"He's cognitively off the charts"
So said Judah's teacher Ms. Susan this morning when I dropped him off for Pre-K, which he just started on Monday! So "off the charts" is he that the principal will observe him "helping" in Kindergarten every day this week to decide whether to bump him up. Their only concern is that he's socially ready to be the youngest in his class. Having watched him interact with all ages from infants and toddlers to teens and adults, I'm confident that won't be a problem.
Have I mentioned in the last week that I love this kid?
posted by Jeremy Del Rio @ 9/19/2005 10:47:00 AM
8 Comments:
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judah
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spider web
That previous post was Judah. He wanted to "typewrite" a message. He wrote his name without any help, and spelled spider web with help from me ... but he identified the letters on his own.
If you'd like teacher input, I'd be happy to comment - just email me! Thanks for meeting with Tony. He really enjoyed his Saturday afternoon. Sorry I missed it!
Hi Jeremy,
I decided to check out your blog since Tony has been telling me so much about you! Of course, I was attracted to Pluto because I love Disney World (haha - I think Tony told you that, too). By the way, your son is gorgeous, too!!
I used to teach first grade at a Christian school, my mom taught K, 1st and 2nd grade (still is) and my dad taught Middle School for 35 years - both in Connecticut. I only taught for 5 1/2 years so I'm thinking in terms of things I've heard from my mom and even others on this subject.
Our older daughter, Katie, was born Dec. 23rd and I decided before she was born to hold her back. She could have gone to Kindergarten when she was 4 but I just felt that was way too young. In many ways she was ready - she's extremely social, very bright, well adjusted and so on. I even sometimes wonder how different it would have been had we sent her on. However, when I see her with her peers now I recognize that in so many ways we did her a big favor - and she's only in second grade. She is taking 3rd grade math, she is a top reader and she is highly organized - she probably manages her education better than Tony or I ever could! I'm pretty certain that this will be better for her self image in the long run, but I can't say that for sure.
With Katie is was easy to choose to hold her back because her birthday was so close to the cut off, which was Dec 31 at the time. Some of the advice I had received from other parents were the following:
1. Many times it's the difference between your child being at the head of the class or struggling to keep up with the pack academically. This is not as noticeable in the earlier grades, but often becomes more prominent beginning in third grade. (I remember some children who were much younger first graders actually being held back in the upper grades.)
2. Think way ahead, into high school years. Your child will be the last of his friends to through the "rites of passage" - getting a driver's license, getting a job, etc. (There are ways to overcome these concerns, address them, but it all depends on the maturity level of your child AT THAT TIME.) Other parents have mentioned they held their child back because of the thought of them riding around with their friends who had licenses - I know in MD drivers under the age of 18 aren't allowed anyway!
3. It's easy to push a child ahead, especially at an early age because younger children adapt very easily and academically school is geared toward different developmental levels. Starting in the upper grades, this is not the case. By that time, it is socially devastating to hold a child back and much, much harder to do once that child has made friends.
These were probably our biggest considerations with Katie, who was very mature socially, spiritually and academically. We were, and still are, very happy with our decision.
HOWEVER, it was never recommended we send her ahead. We found a preschool with a very academic Pre-K program and I think we all agreed it was a good fit. In hindsight, it really made our lives simpler. My father passed away that year after an almost 2 year battle with Lymphoma and the fact that she was not in Kindergarten 5 days a week really helped out!! Her extreme interest in all things spiritual made this experience with my dad much more bearable - she understood and accepted almost better than I did where my dad would be and how she could be there with him someday. Even with her amazing maturity, she still fits in well with the "younger crowd" at school. I don't feel that we have cheated her in any way. I think we gave her a boost.
Two examples I can share with you of children that were sent on are 1) Amanda [name changed], who the preschool teachers claimed would "run the joint" if my cousin didn't send her on to Kindergarten. She has struggled all through school in math - this could have happened even she did hold her back, but her mother has always doubted her decision. Amanda just began college this fall and opted to stay home and go to community college. Her mother feels she is too young (will be 18 Oct. 13th) to go away. Amanda doesn't think she's smart enough to go away.
My second example is Joe [named changed]. He's the youngest in his family and his mom sent him off to kindergarten and went and got a job - something she regretted for a long time. He was not really ready but being a stay-at-home mom in an affluent suburb when your husband is a teacher is a bit tight! Joe struggled all through school, low grades, very shy, trouble. Fortunately, he is one of those people who just disgusts you with his "luck" - even after sending in his application late he was admitted to a architecture school, is extremely successful, has developed various hobbies and is now an architect/percussionist/recording producer in the making. He is a success story with years of headaches and regretfulness to boot. His poor mom - at least now she can see that she didn't make a mistake.
I guess I would just encourage you to weigh all the options and consider what this will mean for your son's future. Also consider the school he attends - find out what they will offer him in the way of enrichment if you hold him back or what will happen if a few years down the road he is really struggling. If there is no enrichment program I'd say hands down move him ahead. We are very fortunate our school system offers that for our daughter because she highly excels in math! If they have a "no repeat" policy, like many public schools these days, I'd urge you to be cautious if you have any academic concerns. Many times kids are just pushed along whether they really should be or not and in the earlier years miss many important skills because they are not developmentally ready to absorb them. It's difficult with a younger child to know if they will be able to meet the academic demands in 2nd or 3rd grade. As his parents, though, you know better than anyone if it will work.
My last and final bit of advice (unless you have another question I think I can answer!) is that reading is a very good indicator of a child's success in these situations. It is really the most important skill a child can have and generally effects all other academic areas. This is especially true beginning in second grade, when children are expected to be able to read content independently in all subject areas. If he is already reading or very close or has a great interest in books and reading, chances are he will be successful moving up. I think any teacher would agree with me on that point.
I hope this helps. We also found it was helpful to find other parents who had faced similar decisions and asked their opinions and about their experiences. The truth is, we just make the best educated decision as parents that we can and pray that it is what is best for our child! Tony and I always said if worse comes to worse, we'll homeschool (like that will fix all our mistakes - lol). It was a joke, but while we knew we were making decisions that would affect our daughter entire educational career, we also understand that there's more to life than school and every experience/situation can be a teaching tool.
I hope I didn't bore you to death - aren't you glad you didn't call me!!
I'll keep reading your blog to see what your decision was - I'm sure, as Judah's parents, you will make the one that's best for him!! Just ask a lot of questions!
My best,
Deanna
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Deanna,
Wow! Thanks so much for such a thoughtful response and such candid insights. I'm not sure how to respond exactly. Anything I write won't quite measure up. : ) You should consider posting this in some form somewhere online (my blog is available). Other parents weighing a similar decision would most certainly benefit.
Your decision to keep Katie back is particularly instructive. In NY, the cutoff is also Dec. 31 and Judah's birthday is Jan 2, so he missed it by 48 hours. (Actually 34, but who's counting?) The difference is he's at a small school that doesn't have any accelerated learning programs. Also, the teacher who recommended the observation in Kindergarten has been teaching at least 10-15 years and has always erred on the side of caution with respect to these kinds of issues.
I'll let you know what we decide. Hope all remains well with you and your family!
Hey Jeremy,
I'm glad this teacher has experience. The only other advice I can give is to seek out other teachers, within and outside the school, for their advice. Definitely weigh in what benefit this would have for Judah and what are the possible ill effects. Will you be comfortable sending a 17 year old off to college?
The other thing to consider is whether or not you would ever move and how this would effect Judah's education anywhere else. If you plan to stay at this school for his entire pre-college education then I think it sounds like he'd be best served if he were moved up. If you are ever considering public school you may want to see what is offered there before deciding.
On a lighter note, as a teacher I had a student one year, Inwoo, who was a whole year younger than his peers. He was amazingly intelligent and had a personality to match his intellect. One day early in the year he came up to me and asked me to tie his shoe. The other students knew that I didn't do that for first graders, but I leaned down to tie the shoe of this newly turned 5 year old. A group of boys walked up behind us and started questioning why he needed someone to tie his shoe and before I could stop them Inwoo looked them straight in the eye and said very confidently, "I'm only 5! I don't have to know how to tie my shoes yet!" This year Inwoo headed off to college (and I feel sooo old!).
I'm not saying moving your child up will destroy him, because I've seen children who handle it very well! I'm just saying ask a lot of questions, like can your child handle the social implications of such a move. I think it's insightful that this teacher's number one concern is the social aspect - listen to her and question her about what if this doesn't work out.
Most parents welcome the idea that their child is special. I'm the odd one. Last year, Katie started out first grade in a classroom with all her best friends. On Friday of the first week of school her teacher called, the teacher she had fallen in love with and was assured by everyone on her bus was the best first grade teacher! They wanted to move her to another class based on her reading level, which they were trying to convince me had exponentially grown over the summer. Well, they chose the wrong mom and Tony and I went in to meet with this teacher, the principal, the vice principal... We ended up moving her because I knew the consequences for my child as a non-consenting parent, but I still in my heart don't agree with the move. Socially, it was a nightmare for her, as she had no friends in her new class and became obsessed with a little girl her didn't like her. And reading - well, it's not her gift. The expectations were far too high at school, and we did a little damage control at home. All in all, we chalked it up to a big lesson for us all and have moved on. I doubt they will ever choose to try that again with us! but next time I will be more assertive in my feelings.
In the end, you just choose what is most comfortable you as parents and the situation that you think he will thrive in. Either way, you will learn important life lessons and that will somewhere translate into some kind of character building!!
I will pray for you both and for Judah and your decision. It's very exciting and a little scary. I'm sure he's an amazing child and it will be fun to read more about him in your blog. I'm off to bed. We stayed up far too late watching Alexander - I'm hoping to be able to wake up in the morning!!
Have a great day!
Deanna
p.s. You may post anything you would like from this conversation in your blog. I'm sure you will need to edit!! [Ed. note: not much]
Oh yeah, one last thing that just popped into my head... I know I said I had to go to bed...
Don't be surprised about the number of children who are much older than Judah!! I'm not an odd parent who kept my child back. It's kind of a trendy thing and there are plenty of children in Katie's grade that are older than her. There was a write about this phenomena at one point, parents keeping their children back so they could excel in sports, academics, etc.
When Katie was in 3 year old preschool, she was one of the older students. In her pre-K, where I expected her to be one of the oldest having held her out of Kindergarten, she was one of the youngest!! There were several children who had had summer birthdays, having turned 5 before starting pre-K. It was a real eye-opener for me. It also makes the younger kids seems much, much younger...
You can ask the teacher to give you a breakdown of the ages of the other children in the class he would be entering. That might help you see what he would be up against agewise. Who knows - maybe there are other children closer to his age!!
Good night - for good this time!
Deanna
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