Where's the Beef?
Classic images endure. They're timeless and unforgettable, like the confrontational Wendy's woman from the 1980s who shouted at fast food clerks: "Where's the beef?!" Sometimes I feel like that little old lady. Leaving aside the obvious physical differences (such as me being 40 or so years younger, 6'2", 225, and male), I often feel like I'm being sold a shred of meatfat between two pieces of Wonderbread that someone dubiously calls a burger. So I'm gonna rant for a second, with the naming of the first ever Beef(less) Award recipients (in no particular order). 1. "Pastor" Benny Hinn. Who's pastor is he exactly? Apparently his "ministry" is organized as a "church," even though he has no congregation, in order to avoid filing a financial accounting with the IRS. (Did someone say, "Audit"?) Then his extravagent spending casts doubt not just on his own judgment, but on the rest of the faithful as well. (Are other ministries equally contrived?) Meanwhile he raises money on the strength of testimonies that are rarely -- if ever -- verified, and occasionally demonstrably false. 2. Shows about plastic surgery. They're the latest craze in reality TV, with literally a dozen or so littering network airwaves and basic cable, promoting the idea that a little more flesh there and a little less here can actually make people feel better about themselves. Boob jobs, nose jobs, chin impants, butt implants, face lifts, tummy tucks, botox, lypo -- enough already! Why can't people see it's a racket? Get one procedure, then another, then another. And the only ones who feel any better afterwards are the doctors lining their wallets with cash from people who are insecure about how others perceive them. 3. Fitty's bravado. 50 Cent creates controversy with other rappers to sell records, and he's done a phenomenal job. His first album, "Get Rich or Die Tryin'," sold 11.5 million units in part because of venom directed at rival Ja Rule. His second, released last week, immediately soared to the top of the charts in part because of attacks on Fat Joe, Nas, R Kelly, and half a dozen others. Then the day before his album hit stores, Fitty announced that he was dropping former protege The Game from his G-Unit crew. The announcement was followed by a shootout at a hip hop radio station, and a rataliatory shooting at Fitty's manager' office. Ka-ching! 4. Bud Selig. He's the drab commissioner who presided over two work stoppages before ignoring Baseball's growing steroid scandel for most of a decade. Selig's willful ignorance would probably still be official MLB policy had federal prosecutors in the BALCO case not forced some of the game's greats to testify under oath before a grand jury. 5. Democratic whining. I'm all for vigorous debate. But give us something beside Bush-bashing every once in a while. Complaining about one's adversary is not debate, especially if that's all you ever do. It's nauseating. We want something to digest, not puke. That's it for now. Stay tuned for more Beef(less) recipients (and perhaps a "Beefy" or two as well).
posted by Jeremy Del Rio @ 3/10/2005 11:59:00 PM
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